A Gursikh

Personally, my father always tried hard to instill pyaar for Gurmat within my siblings and me. He got us actively involved in keertan and Gurmat symposiums and doing paath etc.. I thought this level of Sikhi was enough for me. I knew I would eventually take the step of receiving Amrit SOME day, but I didn't feel any pressing need to do it any time soon. My life was ideal, I felt fulfilled and I couldn't ask for anything more.
 
But then my world came crashing down. Seriously, I went through a really rough time in my first few years of university which left me totally depressed all the time. No matter what I did, my situation was only spiraling downwards, getting increasingly worse. I turned away from my friends, pushed everyone away, and even closed myself off from my family. I couldn't bear to think how much worse I could possibly get, but lo and behold, I still got worse!
 
"Dukh daaroo, sukh rog peyaa". While I was happy, I was diseased with ignorance of the importance of Amrit and true devotion to Sikhi. Only when I was as miserable as miserable could be did I realize the value of Amrit and only then did I recognize the necessity of finding my Guru.
 
 
 Firdee firdee, Nanak jeeo, ho faavee thheeyee bohot disaavur pundhaa||
 (I wandered and wandered and went crazy, O Nanak, in countless foreign lands and pathways.)
 
 Taan ho sukh sukhaalee sutee jaa Gur mil sujun mei ludhaa||2||
 (But then, I slept in peace and comfort, when I met the Guru, and found my Friend.)
 
 
I didn't worry about whether I was ready for Amrit or not. If I was ready, Guru Sahib would accept me, and if I wasn't ready, Guru Sahib would reject me. All I knew was that I couldn't wait any longer. I believed firmly that only in coming to Guru Sahib's door would He let me in. Only the True Guru could comfort my pains, so I had to take the initiative and put my trust in Guru Jee to deliver comfort. And that He did.
 
"Angeekaar keeo Prabh apaney bhagatan kee raakhee paat."
 
Only after receiving Amrit did I really become interested in Sikhi. And only then did I learn what "ready" even is. There, in my opinion, ISN'T a "ready" until you actually take the step. After the step, you make yourself ready.
 
Whether we are ready or not, it is essentially Guru Sahib's decision through Punj Pyaaray anyways. Even if we ourselves think we are ready, the Punj Pyaaray can still reject us. And we can sit around thinking we're not ready and we can hold off until "later", but someday, we will have no more "laters" left. Until we receive Amrit, that is that many breaths wasted, that much time gone.