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Kaur Ji

At the time my parents got married, they were typical Punjabi people and my dad was a drunk with a fro. Then, my mom's brother and his family took Amrit. My dad got close to him and soon my parents took Amrit (this was about a year before I was born and I think my parents were in India). Well then a year later I was born and I took Amrit at about the age of 4 (I don’t remember a single thing from the Amrit sanchaar except for being inside a house...) then went to India. When I was born my dad came to Canada then he went back to India and there he had an awesome life chilling with singhs and going to smagams there and he kept really strict rehit of sarbloh bibek and stuff. Then I came back to Canada and from what my dad tells me and as much as I can remember, I was really interested in Sikhi and doing paath and keertan.

I remember I used to wake up in the middle of the night and ask my dad to jap naam with me (if only I were like that now...) and then as I got older this interest decreased. As I got to about grade 5-6 I just stopped caring. I would always be chilling with the "bad" girls in my grade even though it was at Khalsa school, those girls used to dance and share drinks and I thought as long as dad doesn’t see it’s okay (little did I know guru jee was up there watching me...) and from the start we'd always kept bibek and once again I thought if dad isn’t here it’s okay to eat this and the whole time my dad thought I kept bibek...I'm really regretting it now....and then I just hated Sikhi and everything about it.

I had plans to grow up and move out and cut my hair and I guess my dad got the instinct that I was moving away so he would force me to go to the regular akj programs we have and I would always fight with him because I preferred to sit at home and talk to my friends on the phone. Then it got to the point where I hated it so much and I had so much hatred towards my dad for forcing me to be a Sikh because none of my other friends were amritdhaaree (once again even though I was at Khalsa school). So then one day I just got so mad and to get back at him for making me go to the Gurdwara all the time and just to prove that I didn’t care about what my dad said I was at my cousin's house and I was alone in her room and she had these tweezers.......well put two and two together...I made the biggest mistake of my life and allowed them to touch guru sahib jee's Kes but after removing about two because it hurt so much and I was half scared to death in case someone walked into the room I stopped....and then another day the same thing happened....I had a nail cutter and I was cutting my nails then I thought I should "experiment"...see if the nail cutter could cut Kes (I'm the biggest idiot...if a nail cutter can cut nails y cant it cut Kes??) yeah so then my little "experiment" worked (if anyone ever has this doubt...please don’t try it, just take my word for it. it works) and then after cutting one of two once again out of fear of my dad walking in I just stopped....then like a year passed like this and I didn’t know it but I started having just a bit more interest in Sikhi because of going to the Gurdwara even if it was by force...and ever since that Sikhi to the max screen has been started that has also increased my interest because I finally began to understand gurbaanee with meanings and not just "a bunch of Punjabi words put together".

Then one day my dad brought home a book called Satwant Kaur by Bhai Vir Singh Jee and for the first two days he made me read 10 pages each day then after that he never told me to read but I got into the book and it was sooo awesome and inspiring (I encourage everyone to get a copy even if you’re not falling away from "the path"...just read it ... it worked wonders for me).....then another day while I was still halfway through the book my dad gave me a couple keertan tapes of Bibi Harjeet Kaur .. I guess he got the instinct now that I was getting interested again.

And then one day I had the bibi harjeet kaur tape playing (the shabad was antar raam raaye pragtai aaye gur poorai deeo rang laaye) and at that time I didn’t even understand the shabad...but it just sounded so awesome and I got so much ras out of it. I was crying...and then the satwant kaur book was in my hand and I was reading it and thinking of that AMAZING singhnee and after that day I started doing sehaj paath and I wanted to go to the Gurdwara (no more force from dad) ...slowly slowly I started understanding the gurbaanee I was reading while doing sehaj paath. While I was still halfway thru the sehaj paath I went to the Toronto smagam. That was too inspiring. All the little kids there in gursikhi baana alllll the time and keeping sarbloh bibek...I felt left behind and I wanted to do what they were doing too. Then one day I was talking to one of my bhenjee's and she told me what sarbloh bibek was.

After she told me I felt the need to keep it and had a strong wish to keep it but no one else in my family is so it was hard to so then I didn’t. Also while I was at the Toronto smagam I felt the need to go get pesh that night at the rainsabaee but something told me to wait. I don’t know why I guess I was just scared because I heard that Toronto Amrit sanchaars go on for like a whole day. So then I waited and every time I did something such as nitnem or whatever, I always felt that I am not even a Sikh and then I felt that I SHOULD be a Sikh so I can feel right about doing what I'm doing so then time passed and I just kept feeling like that but I was getting closer to Sikhi. I could feel it and closer to guru jee....so then about a month before the December smagam in Vancouver, I went up to my dad and told him to wake me up the next day for amritvela...I don’t know why but I found out of the singhnee's from here was doing it so I wanted to do it too and it was a week day. My dad was confused because usually I hate getting up early but he woke me up and soon after that I found myself going to amritvela every day.

Then I REALLY wanted to take Amrit sooo bad so then I got pesh at the December smagam in Vancouver also because I wanted naam drirh and one of the tankhaah the punj gave me was to attempt my hardest at sarbloh bibek. and right now I'm trying really hard to keep bibek and I think its working...and hopefully soon I’ll be at the sarbloh part too...I find myself doing paath more often nowadays and by more free will....also another thing that inspired me was chatting with Gursikhs on msn....people who were more into Sikhi then I was....that was also a major help and reading rangle sajjan..particularly that story where the 4 year old daughter of a Singh used to do simran loudly in Sangat. I felt embarrassed for being so old and not being like that.....that is my story....sorry if it doesn’t make any sense but I was kind of forced to write this but half way thru I realized stuff about myself.....to thanks to the person who forced me to write it :)....one of the things I realized while writing this is that force is really a good thing....

This is really long and I apologize for the writing...I'm not a writer as u can tell so ill end it here

stay chardee kala!

Vaahegurroo Jee Kaa Khaalsa Vaahegurroo Jee Kee Fateh!!