Khalsa Ji

Growing up.
Growing up I was the typical Punjabi kid you see out there. Had his kesh but has no idea why. Just kept my kesh because my parents made me from childhood. Having kesh never really stopped me from being in the "bad crowd". In fact I was usually amongst the leaders of the "bad crowd". I had no sikhi love in me at all. I used to go to gurdwara at least a couple times a week, but only to play hockey, or talk to my friends. I remember numerous days in the diwan hall just confused and bored waiting for these raagi's to do Anand Sahib so I can go eat.

Any how, High school came around and I got into an even worse crowd. When I was 14 most of my friends were 18-19, into doing weed, drinking and skipping school. I quickly became just like them, and in grade nine I took up smoking, weed, drinking and skipping school. When I was 17, I cut my kesh. I always wanted to cut my kesh but I never had the guts to do it in front of my parents. One day I called my best friend and I asked him to cut my kesh. He replied "you always say that man, u sure this time?” I replied yes. SO he came over and cut my kesh. At the time, I didn’t feel bad at all. I really didn’t know how great Khalsa is and how great Guru Sahib is; remember I was just a typical Punjabi kid.

I still remember I was too scared to go home after I cut my hair that I stayed away from home for 2 days, and only told my dad on the phone that I cut my kesh. Surprisingly my dad wasn’t really upset he told me "you made a mistake, and you'll eventually realize how bad of a mistake you made". I came home after 2 days expecting my dad to tell my mom. But he purposely didn’t. I still remember the look on my mom's face, so much pain and disappointment.

Looking back now, I remember every time my friends got into "big" trouble, like jail time, charges, heavy fights, or anything really huge. I was never there. I started to not like what my friends were doing, but I couldn’t break free from them totally. They were my "boyz".

The turning point.

I heard some chardi kaala singhs tell me, that when you get into sikhi your mind just thinks different. Sikhi valey things make you happy, and other things just seem so bad. I wanted to quit smoking. Most smokers know its bad, but they don’t have the will power to quit. Well one day I just decided that I don’t want to smoke anymore (5 years being a smoker). I don’t know where this came from, but I did a form of ardaas to vaheguru to help me quit. I just got a feeling of so much pyaar and I got addicted to this pyaar. I quit smoking, and weed almost instantaneously.

I still drank though. But every time I drank and got drunk I would talk about Guru Gobind Singh Jee, and Sikhs and Khalsa. My friends all used to hate drinking with me, because I would ruin the "buzz" by talking about religion. Every time we went out I would talk about religion, sikhi everything. I used to tell them in a drunken stupor, "I'm going to keep my kesh man, I’m going to stop all this stuff", they would laugh and say "YOU!? hahaah..yeah right guy, you neverrr". I knew at that time that I wanted to keep my kesh. I was so determined. I didn’t want to just keep kesh though and keep doing bad things. I wanted to be clean first then keep kesh. At this point I tried to change my Sangat to more positive Sangat.

The turning point was when I was asked by a Singh to play in a basketball tournament. It was some "baba deep Singh" team. At the time I had no idea who Baba Deep Singh was. During practice I met young Gursikhs in bana and kirpans and daamaala's. I admired them sooooo much.
I never really met a true Singh before, and I was so happy to see them, that I didn’t want to leave there side.

Around that time, I was chatting with some girl I knew on the phone and she wanted to meet up with me. She asked me to come to Dixie to see her at night, because her parents are religious and they go to these all night keertans. She only wanted me to come to kinda hook up. I replied "I’ll come to gurdwara, but I’m not going to talk to you there. I always knew it was wrong to pick up girls at gurdwara. My manmukh self knew this much at least. At the time I was staying at my chachee's house who is amritdhari, and I asked her if she’s going to this "all night keertan". She’s told me yes. so I went. I walked in Dixie main hall. it was FILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEd with Guru Khalsa. I had no idea what akhaand keertani jaatha was, or what not. I sat down And started listening to keertan. from about 10 pm to about 12 am I sat there. My cousins walked over to me and said they are leaving and told me to get ready. I couldn’t leave the keertan I wanted to stay so bad. I just told them to go without me and I'll come home with my chachee. I think I was the only Mona in the whole Hall! At the end of the reansabayee My chachee brought me over to meet an old gursikh. (it was bhai Jeevan Singh) He smiled and gave me a Fateh. After that day I really liked akj.

I downloaded Keertan from the internet and used to listen to it night and day. Rap music, other music wasn’t appealing to me. Only keertan.

Going away from home.

I got acceptance to University Away from my house. I wanted to go away so I accepted it. This was a great turning point in my life. I finally was broken free from my friends in my area who were drinking and what not. I was starting new and fresh. My first year of university I met good Sangat. I quit drinking about 2 months into my first year, and I started keeping my kesh. It was funny. I bearded guy with a football tuke on walking around
campus. Eventually my Singh friends at university told me its time for me to put on a dastaar. They came over. My closest Singh friend took off his daastaar from his head and tied it on me. when I looked in the mirror I felt sooooooo goood. I looked at myself my kesh my daarree and I felt so proud. I remember my old self when I was a kid, who used to hate my kesh and resent it, and now I’m looking in the mirror and I’m so proud to display kesh. It was an amazing feeling.

Soon after I knew I was going to take Amrit. I had a very close friend and we both knew we were going to take Amrit but we were just getting ready. I prepared for about 2 years, used to do as much paat as I could, hang out with Khalsa only, stopped going to clubs, stopped listening to music, just those things never appealed to me anymore.

The incident.

There was a very big incident that happened in my life that really got me close with some Singhs. It was a tough time and I went everywhere for help and assistance but everywhere I turned I couldn’t get help. Eventually some rehitvaley singhs came into the picture and totally helped out. This was the main thing that pushed me over the edge. I now knew where I wanted to take Amrit. I wanted to be just like those singhs. So I decided to take Amrit at the next Amrit sanchaar they held. These singhs were local Akand keertani jatha valey singhs. At first I felt scared of "akj" and groups and what not. I didn’t want to just close myself in and follow a certain group. I soon realized that what they do is Khalsa gurmat, and everything made sense to me.

Weekend of Amrit Sanchaar.

I came to Gurdwara dressed in Bana, to listen to akhaand paat sahib before Amrit sanchaar. I remember the bibi on roll sewa was such an amazing paaati and I admired her big daamala and blue chola. I listend to as much of the akaaand paat sahib as I could. It was there I got darshan of Gursikhs that I admire to this day. They gave me so much love and support, I think they could tell I was nervous about taking Amrit. The Amrit sanchaar was unbelievable. There are many many things that happened inside with panj and during Amrit sanchaar that I won’t go into. But after taking Amrit my life completely changed. I was reborn. Words cannot describe the power of Amrit and naam. I urge anybody who hasn’t asked for Amrit from panj to do so as soon as possible. Your life will never be the same after. The pyaar that I feel inside with other Guru Khalsa is unexplainable.

Presently.

Currently I’m trying my hardest to remain in Sangat, have rehit, and keep Amrit vela and jaap as much naam as I can. When I look back into the past, I can’t believe how I lived without Guru Sahib.